To the Guys

A couple weeks ago, I wrote a post that was primarily directed at young women, and today I want to write one for young men. This is a letter I found on another blog, written by a young woman who is frustrated by the way christian men seemed to treat christian women. I have shortened it some, in hopes that the general idea will not be missed, but there may still be some things that seem off topic. So please, if you find something that doesn't seem to 'go' dismiss it, and listen closely to this young woman's heart, as it is also on the hearts of many others.

   An Open Letter to Conservative Christian Guys
From a Conservative Christian Young Woman
Struggling to Remain Modest, Pure, and Content

...I don’t have a problem with girls wearing pants. I don’t have a problem with girls wearing only skirts. I don’t have a problem with stylish clothes, jewelry, makeup, or fashion—I wear these things. What I do have a problem with is girls who purposefully flaunt themselves in front of young men, especially since one of them could very well be my future husband - and I have a huge problem with the guys who fall them.

I don’t plan on compromising my standards... By God’s grace, I am committed to controlling my physical desires, rather than walking “in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God…" (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5)

So why do I dress and behave as I do? Why do I avoid defrauding you by flirting with you and tempting you to sin? Why don’t I enjoy your attention by lowering myself…by flaunting my body? God’s Word tells me that I was created for better things than this—and so were you. I have a husband out there somewhere who will appreciate my faithfulness.

"Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies." (Proverbs 31:10)

“Women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing…” (1 Timothy 2:9-10)

"To be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed." (Titus 2:5)

"That our daughters may be as pillars, sculptured in palace style…" (Psalm 144:12)

I pray he’s being just as faithful.

I don’t want to be like the woman in Proverbs 7 who selfishly flatters and entices men. I want to cause only one man to desire me- and that is my future husband.

Maybe it’s just me, but I find it really discouraging when I see a girl in tight jeans, a skin-tight shirt, and a flirtatious attitude walk into the room and my brothers in Christ, those “conservative, Christian ... young men flock to her side. They tease, flirt, and boost her ego (which encourages her to keep it up) by giving this girl every ounce of their attention.

"To keep you from the evil woman, From the flattering tongue of a seductress. Do not lust after her beauty in your heart, Nor let her allure you with her eyelids." (Proverbs 6:24-25)

Meanwhile, girls like me who dress modestly sit in the background, wondering if it’s all worth it (by the way, I'm not talking denim sacks and tennis shoes - I dress attractively). I’ve been faithful to my family, I’ve worked hard to develop my homemaking skills, I’ve studied hard, I’ve remained pure, and I’ve prepared myself for motherhood.

Yet, sometimes I find myself tempted to wonder how I’ll ever get married if I don’t throw out a little “bait.” I don’t plan to do this, but I’m being frank about some of the struggles we Christian girls face.

I’ve read the Modesty Survey by the Harris boys and I’ve listened to young men beg young women to dress modestly. Well, I heard you, guys, and I loved you enough to comply. So, why can’t you take your eyes off the girl in the tight jeans? Get a grip.

What do you think these sorts of actions communicate to us? What does it say to Christian girls who are striving to honor the Lord?... I’ll tell you. It shows us what you truly value: How a girl looks; how much of her body she flaunts; that you don’t value modesty; and that what we’ve been striving to do (help you guard your eyes) is totally unappreciated.

I’m also wondering why so many of you are going outside of your own churches to pursue girls who are weak and worldly in their walk with the Lord... I’ve heard some of you excuse your attachments to these girls—girls who reject all that your parents hold dear, by insisting you will “change her” or you will “teach her.” 

I always thought this was something that only girls dealt with (wanting to “change” the “bad boy”) – but no! It’s happening to guys too! It’s happening all around me every day – Christian young men who seem to want a girl who is “cool” and who shows off her body.

But I have to ask you a question. Do you really believe that the girl who flirts and flaunts herself while she’s single, will suddenly become the virtuous woman of Proverbs 31 if she marries you? I’m afraid too many men have learned the hard way that this isn’t how it works.

Just because a girl is a Christian doesn’t mean she will be faithful after marriage – perhaps she won’t be unfaithful physically, but what about emotionally? Don’t you see how dangerous this is? The fact that so many beautiful, faithful, Christian girls are being ignored and passed up is shameful—and for such fleshly reasons!

I'm weary of it. Stop loving what is "cool" and start loving what is "holy." (1 Peter 1:13-16) If you’re having trouble discerning who would and who would not make a good wife, why don't you ask your father for help? Listen to his council and don't stop your ears to his words. "My son, pay attention to my wisdom; lend your ear to my understanding," (Proverbs 5:1) "Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies." (Proverbs 31:10)

Please, young men, look past the flirty girls. Look for a young woman who will be faithful to you all the days of her life. Look for a young woman who will honor you, love and nurture your children, and make your house a haven—a woman who you can safely trust in.

"The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life." (Proverbs 31:11-12)

Look at her heart. I know that’s so cliché, but it’s true. Look at who she is. Look at how she honors her father, how she treats her siblings, how she communicates with other young men, the way she carries herself.

Please, for the sake of the girls out there who are striving to honor the Lord—the girls who have worked hard to remain faithful... don’t forget about us—for the sake of your family, your future, and your children; but, most of all, for the sake of your God.